A New Hope…in Relocation –
A New Hope…in Relocation –
Where is that life I thought I was moving to?
“What’s up with this relocation!?!? I have worked SOOOO HARD, everything is put in place and YET…I feel awful. I don’t know what happened? I thought this would be so good for us. I don’t know what to do. I have no friends and I sooooo miss my life, back there!”
I know I am not alone in this. Let me assure you this is normal. I have walked it enough times to believe this. And thought it is not fun, It is typical and I am proof can be navigated. This season happens…
anywhere between 6 months and 2 years, many of us wake up one day and think ~
“WAIT! This isn’t what I signed up for!”
How did we get here? One of the main reasons is all of the work we just walked through, all of the problems we solved and all of the stuff we put in place. Most of us get so wrapped the minutiae of relocation that we forget where we are going…the life and lives we are creating.
And for me I think, I believed that if I put all of these things in place a wonderful life would just appear.
I don’t know about you, but I woke up one day and wondered ~ what happened??
Every hiccup and disappointment was no longer just something that happened but PROOF that all this was wrong. The relocation, the community, the house, the job and especially me. It became proof to me at least, that I was not capable of doing this.
That is such a sad and lonely place.
The funny thing about that place was that it was not a constant, which made me begin to question it. If it was truth, if I had made a mistake, if I wasn’t capable then that would be all the time. And frankly it wasn’t always true. In the months after we decided to relocate, I did more than I had done in years. I had done things like negotiate contracts and resolved issues that in normal life I would have left to others. I knew more about my son and what he needed to succeed in school and I volunteered at his school so that I would know what was going on there. All things I hadn’t done before.
When I remember these, I realized that I was capable.
In these moments of clarity and confidence, I could see the life I wanted to build as well as the currently life (without judgement)…but I had no way, no bridge between the two. How do I take 2 seemingly different things and create the life I imagined in the beginning?
First I had to put down the things that were getting in my way.
Undone and done
Like most relocation activities achieving that life requires both releasing and creation.
Releasing in this stage is all about releasing judgement. The judgement we cast on the where we are, the situation and ourselves must be released in order to move forward in any way. I can hear some of you now, “But you don’t know how hard this was. You aren’t acknowledging how hopeless this situation is. This will never work.”
Frankly, that is true. Every word of it, as long as it is believed. As humans the actions we take are directly related to what we believe is true. Through that we exert control over what we can and cannot see. Through these judgements we determine if we are or are not capable.
And while “this will never work” is in control, this relocation will remain hard, hopeless, and have no possibility of improvement.
How do we put these things down? We entertain the possibility that there is another way to think about this. We ask ourselves:
- How else can I see this?
- How would (name of a respected person) figure this out?
- What are other ways to fix this?
- What if I wasn’t (mad/frustrated/overwhelmed), what options would I see?
When we begin to ask questions like this, we drop the judgement or non productive emotions and take on things like curiosity and one of my favorite made up emotions, feeling that it is “figure-out-able”.
IF you decided that this was figure-out-able, how would that change the thoughts and the possibilities about this? Once we move into a place where we have removed the obstacles, then we can get on to creating that life we want.
Remembering & Creating
What is being created? The life you imagined this relocation would bring about.
Why relocation was a good idea? What made it a good choice, for each of you?
One of the best ways to create a clear picture of life. Not life a whole but life in its part. Most of us have seen “life wheels”. These pie charts typically include 6 parts of life like: relationships, money, health, education, love, fun. The idea is to label each section with the most important aspects of life and then rate them from 1 to 10.
Here I encourage you to use this not in a present time from but future. Choose the top six for each person. Then have everyone describe what each section would need to make it a 10. This becomes a goals list for each person. The interesting thing that comes of this is that when shared amongst the group each one can become a group project or at the very least a way for everyone to know more about the others. This is so important especially with siblings.
Once in the community, as everyone learns what is available, as new opportunities present themselves everyone will be able to easily decide what fits and those things or even people who do not. Whether it is an opportunity for one of the kids to be in the school play or perhaps joining a club or creating a business with one of the neighbors when you know what a “10 out of 10” life is, it is easy to determine what stays or is passed by.
That’s the Life I want to Live
Now that the self-judgement has been asked to stand down and we see all the other ways about life around us, we can find new truths and options all around. These shifts in our thinking help us to see the things we need to build our dream life.
This space that we create, allows us truly merge who we are and what we want with what is here in our new community. When we do this well, we live more of who we are. We create and live a life of intention, our intention.
This dream may shift and grow as each of you shift and grow as you walk this relocation. This is not a problem. This is the way life works. It can seem dramatic and jarring at the time. This is just because so much happens so quickly during this season. Keep reminding yourself that this is figure-out-able.
“OK, I see that…now what?”
Anytime we contemplate and decide rather than react, we make decisions aligned with the life we want to create and live.
If you would like more tactical advice on living that life you want, sign up for a 45 minute call with me and we will talk about where you are, what you want and how to get there.
You want to live that life imagined, I can help.
Go out to the ReloWomen.com website and click the “Let’s Chat” Button in the top right corner of every page. I look forward to walking through relocation with you.
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