Mentors You NEED

Mentors You NEED

Learning from others and allowing them to mentor through the written word

One of the most wonderful things I learned a few years back: Mentors are not necessarily, people we know.  Mentors are simply people who share their wisdom with others.

Brian Buffini, author of the fourth book here, The Emigrant Edge taught me this.  He always talks about his mentors Jim Rohn, Zig Zigler and Lou Holtz. Brian considered each one of these men mentors, through their books and tapes, even though in the beginning, he hadn’t met any of them…yet.

How many of us have read Brené Brown or Tony Robbins and had our lives directly impacted and changed?  I have, and I did not realize it back in the nineties as I wore out those Tony Robbins tapes.

Today, I am bringing to you FOUR MENTORS that continue to impact my relocations and my life in relationships, the practicalities of moving, traversing different cultures and one of my favorites talks about the advantages we have for choosing to walk this relocation journey.

These books of mine are full of highlights, scribbled notes, a few water stains and many, many post-it notes sticking out from the edges.  See the picture above.  Friendships Don’t just Happen…may need to be replaced soon.

Friendships Don’t Just Happen

By Shasta Nelson is book born of pain.  She followed her then husband to San Francisco and though she was an outgoing person who welcomed new friends she still struggled.

“It hit me how very hard the friendship process is.  I’m an outgoing, socially comfortable woman with a long line of good friendships behind me.  And yet I stood there feeling very lonely.  And insecure. And exhausted at just the idea of how far I was from that reality for which I was yearning.”
Friendships Don’t Just Happen page 5, paragraph 3)

This passage shows a real part of the relocation journey.  Not only does this path to connection begin with loneliness…in Shasta’s case it walked through insecurity, exhaustion and the flashing reality of how far she really was between where she was and the close connections she so desperately needed.

She connects to us in the 3rd paragraph with a statement that resonates with all of us that have walked this journey.

From here she begins to de-mystify the friendship process and five types of friendships.  These five have specific purposes or roles. What’s interesting and something I experienced myself, is that without even just one missing, we tend to feel a hole or loss that needs to be resolved.

These five friendships types are more static than linear, though I can see a person moving from one spot to another.

If you are struggling with connection and looking for a path and reasoning behind it all, you will find it in Friendships Don’t Just Happen by Shasta Nelson.

Smart Moves

Smart Moves is the most practical of the 4 books here today.  Caroline Carter, founder of Done in a Day (a Washington DC based home transition company) compiled her most valuable processes, checklists and strategies for relocating across the city or around the world.

Caroline Carter is who taught me about the importance of truly preparing a home for sale.

What I like about her book is that she leads the reader through in such a way that they feel well informed rather than being told what to do.  She does have plenty of checklists and recommendations, but she talks about everything from a place of choice and potential implications.

 In addition, Caroline also addresses the emotional nature of sorting, packing and relocating the life itself.  Including that perspective in the middle of a functional process makes this book both relatable and practical.

I appreciate her focus on cleanliness in chapter seven – The Devil is in the Details

“Your home must go through a deep, deep, deep clean…smell fresh. 
No real odor.  No Clutter. No dust bunnies. No footprint of you…


I realize no one actually “lives” this clean,
but you must try to exist in deep clean mode in order to sell.”
(Smart Moves page 98 paragraphs 1 and 2)

One of the surprises is all that we can do to prepare to move way before we deep clean and stage the home.  Listing the home is not discussed until Chapter Eight.

Caroline Carter is a master of moving and transition details.  If selling a home for top dollar in the least amount of time is the goal, her process leads the way.

The Silent Language

By Edward T. Hall, a 1940s anthropologist, Edward was a student of peoples and their culture.  After the second World War, he was asked to work on a project for both the Indians of the southwest pacific(meaning California – Arizona – New Mexico). 

Many times we think of culture as a set of rules that govern a community, but what Edward learned was that culture is so much more than that.  Consider…

“If this rich experience taught us one thing it was that culture is more than a mere custom that can be shed or changed like a suit of clothes…. [This was] a completely different way of organizing life, of thinking and conceiving the underlying assumptions about the family and the state, the economic system and even mankind.”

(The Silent Language page 23)

Is it any wonder we struggle when we move someplace.  We move in with a set of rules we live life by.  A set of values and a believe of how life should be organized, lived and protected.  AND YET, when we move to a new place, it has its own way of living and organizing life.

Some are similar to what we already do, but others are so very foreign.  Edward T. Hall calls this an invisible barrier.  After one relocation, that is something we all recognize to one extent or another, but we can’t quite put our finger on what the difference is.

Pull out a highlighter and multi-colored pens to read a Silent Language.  It is like a college course about culture in 209 pages…and worth every page.

The Emigrant Edge

I learned about Brian Buffini when I began in real estate many years ago.  He is a self-made man.  He arrived in the US from Ireland with $70 in his pocket.  Three months later he is in a severe motorcycle accident.  With no health insurance, there were huge bills to pay when he got out.  A financial debt he chose to dig himself out of.

Not a great start to emigrating to America.  But from here he built a great fortune and blessed many people.

Brian Buffini, through his book, brings to light the all aspects of this journey we are on and shows the benefits we gain from saying yes to the relocation opportunity.

In the Emigrant Edge Brain shows the disadvantages as well as the advantages of living in a new country.  From here he adds discusses the seven immigrant traits we can realize through relocation and this EXPAT life.

Part Three: The Immigrant Traits

  • A Voracious Openess to Learn
  • A Do-Whatever-It-Takes Mind-Set
  • A Willingness to Outwork Others
  • A Heartfelt Spirit of Gratitude
  • A Boldness to Invest
  • A Commitment to Delay Gratification
  • An Appreciation of Where They Came From

These lessons learned as we relocate are our superpowers going forward.  They change the way we look at the world.  It changes our hearts and it changes how we see opportunity in the world and that which we create.

When we choose relocation, we are choosing to expand how we see the world, all of its differences and abundance.  Brian Buffini through “The Emigrant Edge” truly taps in and directs the mind to intently pursue and encourage each of us to explore what we are capable of.

Pursue Knowledge

Consider what has provided the greatest impact in your life.  Has it been a book, a speech or a conversation?

Throughout this life, remember there have been many who have gone before us.  Both those living and now gone have a treasure trove of wisdom for us when we look for it and pursue it.

Pursuing knowledge, what others have already learned through their experiences, greatly accelerates our ability to build a grand life.  It allows us to become so much more than we are now, earlier in our lives.

I encourage you to post your favorite and most impactful books on the ReloWomen Facebook page.

If it is time to live your best life through this relocation journey, I encourage you to book a Consult today.  Let’s chat about the life you want to live and overcoming the challenges along this relocation journey.  

You can live your best life all along this relocation journey

Book your Consult by clicking on the Let’s Chat Button at the top of the ReloWomen webpage.  Choose a day and time that works for you.  I look forward to connecting.

Want to relocate well?
I can help.

Download  “a Sense of Home” guide

The journey is easy.  Begin here.

Podcast Links:

Connecting: The Power of Female Friendships by Sandy Sheehy

Friendships Don’t Just Happen by Shasta Nelson

After the Boxes are Unpacked by Susan Miller

ReloWomen Facebook Page:

Other books mentioned: Together by former US Surgeon General Vi… Murthy, Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, Essentialism by Greg McKeown, Quiet: the power of the introvert by Susan Cain, This is Where You Belong by Melody Warnick, Happier by Gretchen Rubin. 



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