Releasing the “broken” lie we tell ourselves
How is that New Years resolution going? As we know and have probably walked ourselves, most people have given up and re-started life as it was before the “resolution”
I just looked at that word resolution. Have you ever realized that if you break it down into two parts it is RE and then Solution? Just putting this podcast together and looking at the word… I finally see that. Funny.
Perhaps that is what we should be doing at the first of the year… re–solutioning our lives. Most resolutions though well intended, come from a place of “I am Broken”, so that answer is any activity rather than a solution. This is then more of a dart at a wall that falls off shortly after it hits the wall… like most new years resolutions.
These have an iron grip that bring our relocation tumbling down…
all because we believe them to be truth.
Those of us ReloWomen, we will tell you that this process, the ones we have done in the past and without much of a plan, have ended in error.
Most loosy goosy processes come with errors. Errors we take on as personal fails.
Next Week’s podcast is all about “relocation shoulds”. Have you notices how often our “shoulds” get all of us into trouble? These have an iron grip that bring our relocation tumbling down…all because we believe them to be truth.
“This should be easier”
“I should know how to do this”
With these two sentences wandering unsupervised in our minds, we assign personal blame and responsibility, when
– Our kids come home from school in tears
– Someone doesn’t do what they should
– Our plan falls
– Others ReloWomen and their kids aren’t struggling
Crying in the showing is where I land, so no one sees. And as I evaluate where I went wrong, the next conclusion is…I am broken.
Everyone is kicking it except us.
Life from Broken
We must be less than or flawed in some way.
“Feeling incapable, everything beginning to slide,
I mean seriously…why try? I can’t make a difference. I am broken.”
WOW…that is a place. Have you ever been there? Boy I have. Questioning everything.
Remember the story about corporate relo family who “tried” their new home for 5 months, and by month 6 they had sold their house and moved back to where they came from? This extreme response to relocation comes from believing they couldn’t do it. Believing they are broken in the new place.
Are you in this place? You, my friend are why I started ReloWomen.
It doesn’t have to be so hard, but no one ever told or taught you how to navigate this any other way.
If you believe you are broken or flawed, incapable of moving forward, I am sending you a great, BIG HUG. I understand this place. I assure you, like me, you can walk out.
To start that walk, let’s really SEE this place and why it leads to feeling broken.
All of humans, our brains are designed to keep us from danger. Even those women who seem to have it all together…even their brains are designed to perceive and avoid danger.
This feeling broken is part of this self-preservation mode.
Back in the day, saber tooth tigers and marauders could come and attack. Therefore, our brains were constantly on alert for the unfamiliar – something new. When we relocate, we are wading through a whole lot of new. This jump to broken is most likely from our brains and is most likely being triggered by all of the NEW.
New is Dangerous
With our brains are obsessed with safety and preservation of life, the primitive or automatic part of our brains is wired to see new things as dangerous. It sends chemicals to create emotions that are designed to make us evacuate, shut down and be safe.
It is a warning that “this” may mean danger. However, in our modern world new things are typically not dangerous…they are just unknown.
When this happens, I want to assure everyone that nothing has gone wrong. The brain is not malfunctioning. It is only working with old programing to protect and preserve life.
And the thing is, we all want to be safe.
Safe and Confident
The good news is that all of us have two parts to our brains and the other side, the pre-frontal cortex, can control much of this. When we learn how to engage this side, we are able to see the new as just the unknown and keep the flight tendency at bay.
The pre-frontal cortex, the decision-making side, is our powerhouse. As we learn to access it we can see the new with curiosity. We can also use this decision-making power to gain control and even direct the primitive, automatic brain as well.
This allows us to be safe and explore the new with openness and confidence as we integrate our new community and our lives.
So how do we access it?
The best part of this that you already have everything you need to do this, even the key to unlocking it. You use it every time to create something new… a solution never seen or learn a new skill like an engineer.
This ability to create something new or live life differently all comes from a question like…
“How else could I think about this?”
As simple as that question appears, it is a powerful tool in all of the next steps. Our ability to navigate challenges and the success of our efforts, is dependent on how we see a situation and the problem.
Thinking that “I Am Broken” hinders, our ability to navigate. The waters are muddied by the thought of that not good enough, I will never get this right, someone else is better qualified to do this, and so on.
THAT is a lot of distraction, when we so desperately want to fix everything.
This distraction is easier to put down than you may think.
Put down the Broken
If in the middle of an “I am broken” party, the kids come charging in the door wanting a snack, the mind and energies are most likely redirected and focused to meet their needs. If there were something truly broken, nothing would break the spell.
I really want you to see this. You are not broken.
You see, when they bound in the door our brains redirect. Either by their requests or simply their presence, we direct our brains to understand the situation and what they need. Even if for a moment, this shows the power of the human brain instantly climb out of that pit. When we jump out is determined by what redirection we lean into.
I really want you to see this. You are not broken. You have the ability within you to redirect and create a new experience…even in the midst of an “I am broken” thought hanging around.
When we realize we can redirect our brains with our pre-frontal cortex, we see the challenges from a less judgmental place. And we can literally ask the automatic primitive brain to stand down.
“I am broken”, Please Stand Down
My one-on-one coaching clients practice this by seeing, allowing and redirecting our thoughts.
“Oh I see you “I am broken” thought. It’s OK. I have got this. You can go sit down in the kindergarten chair on the side and watch me figure this out.”
This shows respect and care for yourself. It is much like we would tell one of our kids. It’s OK. I will figure it out, so you don’t have to worry.
This process brings calm and hope. Here is where space can be found to see or create options and choose a workable solution from a clear and undistracted mind.
With an undistracted mind we can re-solution our lives. We direct our brains with thoughts we choose to see that spark of inspiration. To feel newfound energy comes and see that we are not broken.
We never were broken.
We have within us that place to re-solution, move out of where we stumbled into, and crate a life we want to live.
Want to practice with me?
If it is time to live your best life through this relocation journey, I encourage you to book a Consult today. Let’s chat about the life you want to live and the challenges along this relocation journey. You can live your best life and you can help you family do the same. Book your Consult by clicking on the Let’s Chat Button at the top of the ReloWomen webpage. Choose a day and time that works for you.
Relocation is wonderful journey, let me help you live your best life throughout.
Want to relocate well?
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