So you had a bad day
So you had a BAD Day…
Why don’t they teach us how to walk these relocation days?
That song…remember the one they always played on American Idol when a contestant was asked to leave. It was kind of sad and yet an acknowledgement of the hard work put in. At least that was the way I took it.
In hearing it I running with a video montage of those contestants in my head. Sometimes, when things I don’t want to happen occur, this is the song that plays in my head, this time with my own montage of what has gone wrong.
We have an uncanny ability to keep track of those things…those things we don’t want to remember. Each time these unwanted memories brings a special pain along with every reason and proving that –
See! You can’t do that.
Why even try.
You might as well give up.
Nothing ever works out.
When we chose this relocation in the beginning none of us ever thought we would think this. This would be ridiculous.
A few weeks or months into this relocation, when things have not come together. Failures happened little and big, and now even the smallest missed expectation or hardship gets blown up like a hot air balloon.
I remember not finding the Daisy brand sour cream
and being reduced to tears in the dairy isle.
Seriously? WHY???? Because I had a bad day. Was it really the sour cream? Probably not, but maybe. Most likely it was really one thing that went wrong and then another thing and yet another that wasn’t what I planned.
One of the things they don’t tell us when we relocate is how to walk these days. These are the days where we consider packing it all up, spending whatever it takes and going back. We’d do almost anything at this point, to eliminate this pain.
But what if we didn’t have to do all that? What if we could get through this?
Because, most of us face this, teaching my coaching client how to coach themselves is important. The simple process I teach can be done any where and in any situation. In four steps anyone can move away from a bad day.
Pause – List – Ask – Choose
Pause to see what is really going on here or what has happened. Step outside of the situation like a friend coming to help and truly see all of the pieces. From this perspective we side step the emotions for a moment.
List the facts, the parts of what happened that can be proved in a court of law. No opinions, guesses or judgement allowed here. Removing these cleans up our ability to see everything especially what we can control and what we cannot.
Ask what are all the options here, even out of the box? Even in a situation of loss this question lifts us out of rumination and frustration to a place where we can consider there are options and it is up to me to see them. If you have a hard time seeing the options, shift the question to “How would (person you respect) solve this?” to open up your mind.
Choose the best state of mind to solve this. Curious, optimistic, open, determined, confident, etc. Which state of mind would lead to finding a solution, the best solution?
So let’s say during the day the promotion was given to someone else, Curtis came home from school in tears and the neighbor left a note saying the dog pooped again in the yard. Exasperated the first thought might be to grab a bottle of wine, sit on the front porch silently grumbling about the neighbor and your boss until bedtime scrolling social media.
But what if, work and the neighbor was left outside and focusing was easy as you became present for Curtis and the evening activities.
Start with the Pause. Think about showing up like that friend arriving to assess and help. She doesn’t talk about the neighbors previous infractions or the boss’s bias. She isn’t thinking about storming over the Petersons to angrily accuse their child of bullying. She is assessing and willing to help.
Remove the emotion and judgement. In simplest terms what happened?
Jerry got the promotion. Curtis cried. The dog pooped and the neighbor shared that.
Ask what are the options? From that 3rd party view point of view these will range from the practical to the absurd. Do not hold back. Perhaps Jerry gets congratulated, and you start looking for a new job or you double down on training. Perhaps, without the judgement and emotion, you are truly present with Curtis and he feels heard.
And finally, the poop in the neighbor’s yard?…
perhaps that causes you to giggle and think, “take that”.
You never liked them anyway, but you will find the hole Roxy is using to escape.
Then Choose how you want to experience what ever you to do. This choice will also help lead to solution as well as turning around how the day is perceived and judged.
With bad day there are not options. It must just be tolerated.
Seeing each day as just a day, each situation, seen individually and without distraction, creates space to consider what is best to do without judgement. Especially of ourselves.
Want more? I can help.
Let’s Chat about how this can work for you. Click the button in the top right hand corner. Choose a day and time that works for you. By the end you will know more about turning around a bad day and if One on One coaching is for you.