Signs of Struggle in Relocation
Typically, signs of struggle cannot be seen in the first month of relocation. We are productive beyond our comprehension with planning, managing and settling our families at top of mind.
We experience energy we did not know we had and creativity in everything.
We are Super Woman handling every task, making decisions and dabbing every tear. We are taking down this relocation one decision at a time….
Until we can’t.
The relocation struggle is like a stealthy ninja. We don’t recognize it until it has overtaken us. A devastating blow and we are left incapacitated. What Happened??
A stealthy struggle shoved us into a house of mirrors. We can see where we want to go but cannot seem to stand, let alone figure our way out.
At this point we need a light! A light to show us the secret path out. That light is knowledge.
If you can see the signs of struggle early the deadly ninja, overwhelm can be defeated. Knowing what they are and how to identify them provides the light and power to thwart an attach.
We begin with your ability to remember.
Memory ~ ZAP!
A deluge of information from the day of acceptance sets us up for a potential ZAP!
Information begins flooding in.
- Potential communities
- School rating
- Local parks and activities
- Specialty programs
- Home styles
- Air traffic paths and so much more
Between the relocation decision and the home decision, a matrix should be created to capture the information and then show implications and dependencies.
Forget something? Probably…most assuredly.
A typically human’s ability to take in that quantity of information over 30 days is capped at some point. It is like trying to cram a whole semester of British American history into your brain is 2 days for the final. It just doesn’t really work.
The secret to recognizing this ninja is to expect it and recognize the signs. By being on the look out for it, we automatically include the possibility in the plan. Because of this we are better organized in the beginning and create a process to track everything important to us.
“I think I will remember that,” always gets me into trouble. Accepting the fact that I will most likely lose track and therefore be too much to “remember”, limits the negative self-judgement and help me identify the struggle before it overtakes me.
I now know that when anything slips, my effectiveness waning and I require maintenance. Ignoring the slip is like ignoring the check engine light. Ignore it long enough and everything is stuck at the side of the road with a heavy dose of irritation!!
Irritation is the most “acceptable” of the signs. That makes it super sneaky. Without relocation, we might recognize it and wonder why we felt irritated. But during relocation it is accepted at normal. One that our friends may exclaim, “Of course you feel this way, YOU are in the middle of a relocation!”
But that is only an excuse. Irritation is not normal and that excuse only only provide temporary comfort. A comfort that prevents us from seeing our struggle. It is yet another ninja there to stop our relocation progress.
Knee jerk reaction
Irritation comes with out warning like a doctor with that little hammer on your knee. You know it could happen but it is always a surprise. An instant reaction to a comment, a situation, a tone of voice or your own internal thoughts. Irritation is almost unrecognizable by the one feeling it, which means it goes unsupervised.
Unsupervised, irritation seeps into most areas of life.
It looks like”
- Why did you DO that?
- Can’t you keep your hands to yourself?
- I already took care of that.
- Don’t do it that way.
- Just get away from me.
That exasperation in this season may seem acceptable. However, why would you accept something that can break relationships, slow down responsiveness and remaining unchecked bring a relocation to its knees.
What if we can head it off at the pass?
What if you didn’t have to walk through irritation to this end?
The answer to this is also the answer to the control freak.
The Control Freak
The control freak comes out to play after the Mind Zap and Irritation. We are so filled with fear that we have to take control of everything to make sure we are getting to where we need to be.
Normally, I am one of those people who can think about 10 steps ahead seeing implications for miles. Something my son wishes I could not do. He’d like me to be blissfully unaware. But that is not the case. I am in a constant state of …
How to get out of house in case of fire.
I blame third grade on this. I had to draw a floor plan to our house and figure out all of the ways to get out if we had a fire. We learned to feel the door and crawl on the floor to avoid the smoke. By the end of that school week I had my first extensive plan to keep us SAFE!
Since then I have applied that lesson to every area of my life, which is fine under “normal” circumstances. However, when the stress and mind drama gets going I might as well be Henry the Eighth.
It sounds much like irritation but with much more direction:
- This must be my way! (demanding)
- You know I have already figured this out! (defensive)
- Don’t even bother to tell me another way! (closed minded)
- Let’s go now! (demanding again)
A whole lot of fear wrapped up in there make for a narrow field of vision.
Narrow field of vision
When the control freak loop plays in a mind, only one thing can be seen. Any challenges are seen as the enemy. When I run this loop I end up isolating myself through demands and then blame others for leaving me.
Recognize this in anyone?
We think we are handling IT! But in actuality, we are shooting ourselves in the foot while telling every one “you can’t help me.” The plan partially or fully fails and we create what we were avoiding or fighting to prevent.
It’s the Fear
Fear is THE FUEL that ignites the control freak. Test it. If you are afraid, the need to control will increase dramatically. And if you need to control, it is time to look for what is causing that fear.
The fear doubles down on the belief that we are right & this is the only way!
Seeing this in ourselves should cause us to pause and get curious, because staying here will lead to nowhere.
Sidetrack the Struggle
Sidetracking the struggle begins in our head. The thoughts we think. I love this quote,
“Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t
… you are right.” ~ Henry ford
The first strategy is to observe. We cannot overcome what we do not see. Practicing the observance of our thinking allows us to see what is creating the results we are receiving. Our results are a direct reflection of out thoughts whether we have chosen them or not.
When the negative emotions pop up it is time to get curious and see what in your brain is causing it. Most of us do not capture a fraction of the 50,000 thoughts going on in there everyday. Just because we do not see them doesn’t mean they are not causing trouble.
Change the thoughts & the results
I am not talking about thought swapping for sunshine and unicorns. That will cause the brain will double down and strive to prove you wrong.
This is about choosing something you actually believe. So instead of “this will never work” try on “I can figure this out.” You will know you chose the right thought by the emotions they create within you.
A productive thought will send the brain off to find proof that it can be achieved.
We will talk more about this in Thursday’s podcast. There is a little more to it than just this. But this gives you the basics.
Believe me! You have it within you to do this!!