Arriving Relocation Week One

Relocation Arrival Week

Arriving in the new community excites even the calmest of people.  Everything is new and there is so much possibility in the air.  Anything could happen.  And at this point everything we are thinking about it is good.

Excitement and Optimism is the best way to start this week because this first week in the new community is filled with more decisions than you have ever made before.  Each day is filled with new ideas and information.  More than one person can adequately take in a single day.  There are things that miss expectations and people who don’t do what they said they would do.

But that is OK.  This week is about possibility and the opportunity to create a life desired.

After finalizing the home, either a lease or closing on a home, it is time to wait on the moving trucks and people.  A puzzle comes together as the boxes and furniture arrives.  Like a game of Tetris each piece from sofa to ladle find a place in the home.  Constant questions, “where will this fit” and “how could this be most useful”, float in the air as the home comes together.  Not everything is perfect, but that is to be expected and deemed OK.

Next comes the 1st week’s tools and organizations that need to be discovered, turned on and sourced; city services, schools, hardware stores, take out restaurants, parks, grocery stores and everything else that makes a life run regular on a daily basis.  Knowing when trash and recycle pick up is, is imperative as the boxes are emptied. 

As the boxes are unpacked and the community is explored, for all of those things lost or misplaced in the moment, we begin to see the community.  These practical outings into the community provide an easy way to meet people and ask questions.  If New York pizza brings a sense of calm to the family, the checker at the hardware store may know.

One of the best referrals I got early on was for a chiropractor.  Heaven knows after moving all of those boxes of dishes, all of us needed an adjustment.  The referral came from someone who had an ongoing knee problem.  She swore the Chiropractor would fix us up.  After 5 years of seeing him regularly, I trusted that he was the real deal.  Now after 11 years here in the Mid-Cities, Dr. Chatfield is still our go to Chiropractor.

The Hardest Thing

By the end of the 1st week you will recognize the hardest thing of relocation.  After daily physical activity and making hundreds of decisions a day for a week, mental and physical exhaustion/overwhelm will set in.  This is sneaky. Because after making so many decisions and being so effective all week, it seems like the new found super power will never end.

But this super power only lasts so long.

As the mental and physical exhaustion sets in, deciding where the random fork goes becomes the hardest thing.  You question yourself repeatedly, “WHY IS THIS SO HARD?? LOOK AT ALL I HAVE DONE!!”  Overwhelm takes over.

Loosing patience with ourselves.  Questioning ourselves.  Judging our abilities or lack there of can send even the toughest most stoic ReloMoms down a spiral of despair.

This is the point at which we begin to question everything.  Perhaps even our sanity.

Know that this is “NORMALE”

The Italian version of normal just sounds better.  Even calming.

Click on this link to hear it- “normale.”
I love how he says “normale”

This is Normal.  I want you to know and believe this before you have landed in the middle of it.  Understanding that this is normal, allows us to recognize the early symptoms.  Perhaps inoculating us against a full exhausted exhaustion overwhelm infection.

Expecting, Pausing, Preventing

By being on the look out for exhaustion and overwhelm, we can prevent a full infection, before it takes root in our brains.  If not we will:

    • Run out of physical energy,
    • Run out of mental energy and
    • Run out of decision-making ability,

Expect…

In the first week, believing this, gives all of us all a reasonable pass on the self-judgement and criticism that complicates the situation.  When relocation decisions are pending, thinking that we are stupid and incapable, slows us down.

Relocation tasks have to be done.  We do not need to be slowed down by our own thinking.

Now Pause…

The pause allows acknowledgement of the current state.  That acknowledgement provides space to take a breath.  To make room in an hour or a day.  To choose to recharge with something that feeds us mentally and physically.

And Prevent…

Relocation is a never ending flow of activity, new information and series of decisions.  Life is not business as usual. Even though we know how to put together a home…even though we know how to register kids for school…even though we know how to make dinner…doesn’t mean it is easy or we are able to do any of these things during the first seven day after move-in day.

Plan time for you to be you.  Do something normale, have your kind of fun and prevent The Hardest Thing.

Relocation is a whole life adventure, memorable and life/career expanding for everyone. 

A well crafted relocation plan takes you from the initial decision through logistics to creating home. 

Set up your FREE 30 minute ReloMoms strategy appointment today!

Begin your journey by emailing us at ReloMoms@gmail.com to set up your video call.

Let’s make your relocation amazing.

For all coaching information https://relomoms.com/relocation-coaching/

RELOCATION: Building a Personal Support System

(c) Aleksandrl | Dreamstime.comBuilding a personal support system after relocation is KEY to adapting, creating a sense of community and finding your place.  It provides the connections, information and daily expectations.

Personal Support System Defined: a community based network of family, friends, acquaintances and known partners (mechanics/contractors/medical/teachers/etc.) that provide regular or known assistance, knowledge and encouragement.

This takes how long??

Building it as needed?  12 to 18 months.   That’s quite while.

The dry cleaner is asked about local Indian restaurants.  The PTA Membership chair leads the family through Gifted and Talented testing.  The neighbor’s kid watches the dog for that weekend trip to Florida.  It gets done but SLOWLY.

AGAIN, I’m Exhausted??  After relocating across country, finding housing, unpacking,  and trying to learn the local processes…you are spent.  You don’t have 18 months of energy.

NETWORKING!!! Not Excited? It may seem like a lot of work after the last few months, but you have already started.  But with a system, this necessary system can be created in 6 months or less.

So let’s take a look at the process.

    1. Participating & meeting people
    2. Keeping track of people
    3. Extending invitations
    4. Building relationships
    5. All types

Starting with Fun:

You have had enough work, it’s time for a bit of fun?  What do you like to do?  Cook, run, bunco, write, take photos, play the piano or help others?

This is the time where you explore your community with abandon.  Being new to town has a number of advantages.  With no time schedule or obligations, this open time presents endless opportunities to explore and find what you love, or might love to do.

Check out my blog post RELOCATION: Search and find what you LOVE! for search ideas and groups to start with.

All those people: 

Everywhere you go  you will meet new people, at school,  yoga or even playing the piano at the local nursing home.  Strike up a conversation and keep a journal.  A little notebook and pen that will fit easily in a pocket or a purse is all you need to keep track of your new people.

Even though most will not be a “BEST Friend”, remembering their names and something about them will be a blessing to them.  This will bring a smile increase your connection, and in the end, make you feel known and appreciated too.

In the beginning, this is especially important for your sanity.

How about coffee?

Extending an invitation can be a bit intimidating.  None of us like to be rejected, however, it’s most likely not rejection.  It’s only a busy life you are competing with.

My Daughter-in-Law relocated 1873 miles across country last year.  She and the family had only been in Atlanta for 2 years and now found themselves in Salt Lake City.  Even though she was somewhat practiced at creating her network, she again found it difficult to get a yes to any invitation.  Coffee, play dates or meet at the park?  Frankly, it took a while.

She kept asking though.  They participated in some of the HOA events and even became a room mom at school.  This was so outside of her comfort zone, being more of an introvert, however, she kept asking and participating knowing this is where her support system was going to come from.  Once she got to know these ladies on this level, she started to hear yes for activities outside of these groups.

(c) Aleksandrl | Dreamstime.com

It takes time:

Relationships are built by time and shared experiences.  That is why my Daughter-in-Law decided to start where she was already.  She was there at drop off and pick up. She was going to the HOA pool with the kids. Everywhere my daughter-in-law went, she an effort to meet as many moms in a similar life stage as she could.

Everyone is not a “bestie”, but everyone has the potential to be a connection to the community.  By spending time then you know what type of friend they are.

Connections found:

As you already know by this point, there are different types of friends.  Those you see at school drop-off and have a quick conversation, those you can cry on their shoulders and even those you can travel with.https://www.shastanelson.com/friendships-dont-just-happen/Every friend does not fill every box.  In the book, Friendships don’t just happen by Shasta Nelson, she talks about the different Circles of Connectedness.

  • Connect Friends
  • Common Friends
  • Confirmed Friends
  • Community Friends
  • Committed Friends

Shasta talks about life after relocation and divorce.  She talks about walking by a group of laughing women lunching on a patio, like Sex in the City, and desperately wanting to go over and ask, “Will you be my friend too!!”

With focus and planning though, you will be deep in the community in less than 6 months.  Keep track of that little notebook.  And as they say,

“wash, rinse and repeat”

Efficiently building a Personal Support System is key to the relocation process because having this in place gets the whole family gets back to living.  It takes time and repetition, but will settle the family while finding new things to explore.  Keep you head up!  Life will become normal.


Next week look for  RELOCATION: Maslow’s hierarchy and you ~ moving up to self-actualization and meeting your needs after helping everyone else.

If you need more explanation OR you have moved and don’t know where to start email us at  questions@relomoms.com as well as join the email list.  We love to help!!

Have a great week and see you next week.