Resilience in Relocation
We need it…but what is it??
- The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
- The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Lexico Oxford dictionary
In all relocations there are times of difficulties and tough situations. Hits that we take called missed expectations or straight up fails. Our ability to “spring back” has a direct effect on our experience and the ultimate success of our relocation.
But how do we have resilience? Some people say it is something we are born with. However, resilience can be learned. It is a super power benefit learned through relocation.
This super power is visible in most of the relocating women I have know. These women walk through some of the most stressful situations in a calculating manner. It is like they are completely present, while able finding all potential options simultaneously.
Once the boxes land we know close to nothing. It is now that we need to exercise our resiliency. Because resilience provides Authentic Confidence and Flexibility in the face of the unknown.
Resilience and Better Management
When we are resilient, we are better at managing everything. We are not distracted by those doom and gloom thoughts. We are not stuck in confusion or overwhelm.
We look for options, confident that we can figure this out.
We have “Authentic Confidence and Flexibility” required by resilience to create, manage and navigate more clearly. Being present allows us to see what is, as well as what can be, simultaneously allowing us to build a bridge between the two.
Every task, process or person needing management is managed more clearly and cleanly. Thus, increasing the chances of relocation success.
Resilience Starts Within
“While we often turn to quick external solutions, building long-term resilience to stress starts from within.”
~ From McKinsey & Company, a global management consulting firm, article
“Don’t Stress Out: How to Build a Long Term Resilience”.
According to McKinsey resilience requires six personal elements. Elements that can learned, defined, controlled and strengthened.
Purpose and Values – Knowing what you value and your purpose allows us to be confident in our decision and flexible in the new we bring into our lives, as long as they are in line with our purpose and values
Mindfulness – The ability to be fully focused and present in the current situation. They suggest practices such as meditation to train the mind, so that it can be focused at will.
Acceptance – In WholeLife Relocation Coaching, we focus as they do in feeling your feelings without fear. Allowing those feelings without resistance allow you to be present and step out of “your comfort zone”, into all of the new relocation presents.
Defusion – This is about finding those thought that create negative results in our lives. When we are aware that these thought exist in our brains, we are able to capture them and defuse them at the thought level, before the results become reality.
Self in context – Seeing the big picture and us with in it. Becoming the watcher of ourselves removes some of the emotional attachment we have to circumstances and outcomes. This big picture helps us to be flexible and confident in our decisions.
Committed Action – McKinsey says that “Developing authentic confidence requires us to think through the changes we want to make in our daily lives.” Our relocations are all about change. By thinking through options, being present, seeing the bigger picture and knowing who we are…we are committed to the actions we choose. Because they are all in our best interest.
All six of these rely on our willingness to determine what we believe, monitoring and choosing what we think and deciding what is most important to us in the long term. That self-awareness and living on purpose propels us forward.
Ready and Resilient
Ready and Resilient is actually a US Army program. This is a program for all of their soldiers. Their goal is to have each one of their soldier ready and equipped for any challenge that they step into.
Isn’t this how we want to be? Ready and Resilient.
Self-Awareness is where the US Army Ready and Resilient program begins.
- Mental Agility
- Character (Knowing your strengths and strengths of others)
- Connection (Interdependence)
Again, the power comes from within. Our ability to know, monitor and direct ourselves ~ our minds really and ultimately choosing resiliency on purpose.
This means that, when practiced and honed, we can meet every situation with the attitude of I’ve got this. And we possess tools that we are skilled at, to back up that belief.
We no longer wait on anyone to rescue us from a downward spiral. To make everything “better”. We have seen and practiced with the power within to change our own lives.
- Starts with the belief that we can.
- Shows us what we need, if anything is lacking, to acquire.
- Allows us to start from optimism so that we can see options and our abilities.
- Reminds us to take care of ourselves physically and mentally to maintain mental agility.
- Asks us to call on our strengths and the strength of others.
- Reminds us that we will not be doing this alone but as a community…first as a family and then within the larger new community.
Resilience can be called up on, from within, to overcome any circumstance.
Building resilience begins by recognizing what has been overcome and seeing how life has evolved over time. Circumstances that used to crumble us no longer have that power. People and judgements that made us shrink away, do not affect what we do.
This practice of overcoming obstacles builds personal resilience. Find the proof in your past it is there.
Next, determine to get curious about your feelings. These are physiological reactions in our bodies, that is all. Where does that “feeling” present it self in your body? Across your chest or a tingling in your head. When you get curious and look at yourself from a third party place those feelings lessen in the moment. When we figure out what is driving them we can sometimes get them to wander away.
Finally, choose a belief that serves you. One that gets you someplace. It has to be believable or your brain will reject it. So no sunshine and unicorns. Practice thinking and saying this new belief out loud. If you have chosen one your brain doesn’t accept an immediate negative feeling will appear. An easy check.
Once you have this new belief, put it in your phone or on a card and carry it around with you. It will take a while to remember this when the negative ones flood in. When the other appear, pull this one out and remember that you believe this.
This process help you build all of the 6 US Army Ready and Resilience areas:
- Self-Awareness (Seeing what is)
- Self-Regulation (Choosing new beliefs and actions)
- Optimism (Believing you can)
- Mental Agility (tackling those old belief and actions and choosing new ones to produce new results)
- Character (Awareness again – Inventorying your strengths)
- Connection (Though not a direct part of this process, many connections with others will be improved by taking control of any kneejerk reactions.)
Take a hit get back up without injury. If you think about the challenges as “learnings”, what our guest podcast Tania Thomas calls them, then there is no self judgement to slow us down. We learn and we get on with it.
The more we see and learn from our “learnings” the more resilient we become.
We have firm ground from which to step off from into a new direction.
We ReloWomen build new lives with each relocation, bigger than before. Once we know we can walk through the hits…we walk through relocation well!
If it is time to Relocate without Drama, set up a call and let’s have a chat. You have lots of options. Click to schedule your chat now.
Other Blogs: #1 Relocation Challenge
McKinsey and Company article – “Don’t Stress Out: How to Build a Long Term Resilience”
US Army Comprehensive Soldier and Family Fitness – https://readyandresilient.army.mil/CSF2/supportdocs/r350_53.pdf