Life on Purpose

Life on Purpose

Life on Purpose

As adults we all think we live our life on purpose. 

We make conscious decisions as to what is in and what doesn’t make the cut.  We do this for ourselves, our kids and our families…sometimes across multiple families.

But this is just the problem.  Are we actually making choices OR are we going along with the crowd?

Going along with the crowd is not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes agreement “buys” us access into a group.  We buy into a belief or perhaps we buy into an activity that is “great for the kids”.  What we are getting in return is membership into that group.

And that is what leads us to living someone else’s life and values.

Our primitive brains(as opposed to the decision making part of our brains) are designed to desire this. It believes that when we have our tribe around us, we are safe.  Safety is the key to our survival.

And as far as our brains are concerned, going along with established norms or other “trusted” peoples decisions saves time and energy.  I mean why wouldn’t we go along with what our good friend recommended to us?  They know us and we like their values.  The challenge is that we do this more than we think we do, almost unconsciously.

And that is what leads us to living someone else’s life and values.

The “clean slate” of relocation
is a unique benefit.

All is Swept Away in Relocation

The unique thing about relocation is that all of these external influences are swept away in relocation.  Many times you will hear me talk about the “clean slate” of relocation.  This clean slate is the result of moving away from all that is known ~ the people, the culture and the rhythm of life.

The Clean Slate of Relocation is one of those unique benefits that is available in the first few months after the boxes have arrived.

When you do not know anyone and there is no normal to life, life in the new place becomes a blank canvas for you and everyone in the family to sketch out and create a vivid life that truly suits each one of you.  Sometimes the shift includes trying new activities or perhaps pursuing a different kind of friend.  It isn’t that anything in the past was bad, but rather this go round the ability to truly choose is available.

…the ability to truly choose is available.

Start with Who You Are

Starting with who you are can be a challenge, especially if you have kids at home.  We, as parents are so trained to be attentive to what our kids need or what our partner needs, we can lose track of ourselves. So, if the words do not flow when trying this part do not fret.  It is difficult for most of us during these years.

An easy place to start is with personal assessments like StrengthFinders 2.0, PersonalityHacker.com, I Said this You Heard That app or a Birkman assessment. From strengths to personality and temperament to stress responses learning these things about ourselves spurs on conversations within our families.  There are Ah Ha moments, “Oh that’s why I do that!”

“OH!  That’s why I do that!!

The effective direct result of taking these assessments is that we all think more about ourselves and what makes us tick.  We begin to associate those things that help us and those things/people/activities that suck every last piece of energy from us.

Teeing up this conversation within our heads helps us to see our wants…perhaps for the first time.

The Transformation Desired

One of the most brilliant questions I heard this week came from my friend Rob Fenlon, a StrengthFinders2.0 coach from the UK.  He has this question now that he asks himself and his relocating friends before relocation:

“What is the transformation you would like to see in yourself as a result of this relocation?”

Isn’t that brilliant?  What transformation would you like to see in you?!?!

How often do you think about your transformation?  We may have thought about it when in school and associated it with the kind of life we would have as adults.  But rarely do we pause long enough during these years to think about our own transformation in any context.

Transformation in the context of relocation comes down to who we will become. 

  • What will we learn?
  • What will we assimilate?
  • What will we choose to keep out?
  • How will be change?
  • Will our values be tested or changed?
  • How is our bravery, compassion and ability to connect changed?

When we think about potential transformations, ahead of time, we can truly craft how we walk through this relocation.

Life on Purpose is about Intention

What I like best about the transformation question is that in asking it, we become more intentional about all aspects of our relocation. 

Filling that clean slate of life now with intention is not hurried.

In relocation we make hundreds of decision, sometimes on a daily basis for months. The thought of making it even more decision laden can be a bit daunting.  To make every decision with intention?  Doesn’t that cause more work?

I argue that living with known intention actually makes all of that decision making easier.  When we know where we are going and what we want out of this relocation, we have the ability to look at all of those option and decide more easily…more quickly.

Filling that clean slate of life now with intention is not hurried. We are no long frienzied with “getting this done” and “getting the family settled”. 

…we are now seeking out those things that fit us.

With intention in view, we are now seeking out those things that fit us.  We only allow in those thing that lead us toward that transformation we are seeking.  Sure we may try on new things to test them and see if they fit.  But ultimately those people, things and activities we bring in are now aligned with where we are going as individuals and as a family.

Start Here

One of my free resources gets you down the path to living life on purpose.

The “3 Step Relocation Guide” provides you with links to the personal assessments I listed above as well as worksheets and resources to get you through every step of your relocation journey.

Remember if you have not connected, your relocation is not complete.  I can help.

If you would like to know exactly how this works choose a time to meet with me in the next week.  I will give you an overview of what is here on the website, you will receive real WholeLife Relocation coaching and tool or two you can use today.

I can help.

Ready to learn more?

ReloWomen WholeLife coaching can help you.
Click the button and choose your time.

Categories

Tool to Make Better Relocation Decisions

Tools to Make Better Relocation Decisions

These tools to make better relocation decisions,
are not relocation standard.

Assessments, Relocation and Better Decisions.

Many of us took personal assessments before we graduated from high school.  Or perhaps we took them as part of a team building process on the job. But I have not met one person who took these specifically for relocation.

What they measure though, is valuable, if not more valuable in the family setting.  That is because each family member has an innate interest in the relocation.  Outside of the core family, personal assessments can help to identify they type of partners, communities and new friends that create success for the relocating family. 

If you know who you are, the needed whos and whats are more easily identified.

Personal Assessments provide personal knowledge.  Knowledge that can positively impact all decisions and potential success.

What if you believed you had the answer to just about any question, options or conundrum that presented itself?

What if you knew the answer before the question was asked? 

Believing “I’ve got this!” before any question or challenge appeared…opens up options and changes the outcome. 

Assessment Types

Today, we are talking about 4 types of assessments:

      • Personality
      • Temperament
      • Strengths
      • Stress

Knowing these four areas leads to better decisions in every context, like when choosing a school that will embrace and encourage your child, choosing a great employer and negotiating with relocation partners.  Knowing who you are, and all of the “whos’” in the family, affects every relocation decision.  Knowing as much as possible, leads to “right decision” the first time.

      • Who to bring in and who to keep out.
      • What to bring in and what to keep out.
      • How to handle a situation and how not to handle a situation.
      • How each family member gets along best.
      • Which strengths and talents can be tapped into and synergized.
      • What personality types or process types will not work with the family.

When the personal who(s) are known, then it is easier to identify the people, activities, communities and processes that will most likely align with the family.

Personality Type

There are many different Four Quadrant personality type assessments on the market. You, like me, may have taken the Meyers-Briggs assessment in High school and college.  I found it kind of interesting then.  But when I took it later in life it began to make sense due to life experience. 

It reveals personality traits like drive, awareness of details, desire for continuity or even extroversion vs. introversion.  Interestingly, personality assessment can change over time.  This is because personality can be influenced by culture, life experience, what we learn from others and even relocation.

A FREE personality assessment based on the Meyers-Briggs Test is from Personality Hackers.  The nice thing about this company is that they provide immediate results to an email. That free information includes potential personality traits and even how one type gets along with other types.

This assessment takes about 10 minutes.  https://personalityhacker.com/genius-personality-test/

Temperament Type

Temperament is different than personality, in that temperament is hardwired and unchanging.  What I learned through taking this assessment is that I am not as go with the flow as I thought I was.  As a matter of fact, my family was like…”No, you are kind of controlling.  And you always have been.”

Once I made peace with this information I realized it made quite a bit of sense.  I could see it as I looked back over my life.  I always thought my sister was the controller type, but it was really me.  I am the ring leader in my little family,  and that’s OK.

FREE Videos that explain and explore the different temperaments are available from the app “I SAID THIS, YOU HEARD THAT”, available on Apple IOS and Android.  Watching the videos as a family will help everyone easily see which temperament they are.

A workbook is available for approx. $30 with a paper assessment and worksheets at https://www.isaidyouheard.study/.

Strengths Type

The Strength assessment is the fun one.  CliftonStrengths or StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Gallup lists out the strengths for each individual in descending order.  They have interesting titles like Ideation and Woo.

Woo is one of my 5 Strengths – “People exceptionally talented in the Woo theme love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. They derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with someone.” From https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths

This assessment show what each individual is strong iin, what they should lean into and where they will most likely experience success.  My dad asked me to do this for years.  When I finally gave in, I found this enlightening especially in relation to how my father and I work together.

https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths Top 5 Strengths $19.99 or
all 34 CliftonStrengths $49.99 per person.

Stress Type

Knowing your stressors and more importantly, how you react in normal situations vs. stressful situations is enlightening.

I think most of us think we will react the same exact way, based on our values and who we are, no matter the situation or the people involved.  But, that simply is not the case.  When I took the Birkman Assessment a few years ago, I was shock to find out that I do not react the same way during stress.  In some situations, I do the exact opposite of what I would in a “normal” situation.

Relocation months 0 to 4 is anything but “normal”.  This is why I found the Birkman Assessment so fascinating and applicable.  During relocation we all experience multiple missed expectations and disappointments, perhaps daily. When the stress response is known ahead of time, the response can be decided in real time.  Knowing that the “normal” response is not the auto response, we have the ability to remember, pause and choose our response.

The Birkman is the most expensive of the four assessments, but it assesses something that the others do not; Stress and stress responses.

Birkman Method Assessment https://birkman.com/solutions/birkman-basics/

Assessment Wrap up

Most importantly, sit down as a family and compare everyone’s results.  Each family member, through this exercise, will learn something new about each of the other family members.  The new knowledge, especially when the kids learn something unknown about their parents, gives the children another way to think about their parents and potentially create another connection.

When talking about each person’s personality, temperament, strengths and stressors each family member, everyone gains new insight and has new ability to understand the others.  This understanding drives compassion.  Compassion drives patience in the time of hardship or disappointment.

Patience is something that everyone in the family needs an abundance of during relocation.

Practically Speaking

On the PRACTICAL SIDE, know this information helps drive those “first right” decisions I talked about in the beginning.  It is through knowing ourselves that we can hire the best partners.  Whether real estate agents, mortgage brokers, movers, inspectors, etc., when we know ourselves we are able to:

      • See the people who will best work with us.
      • Share or adapt to our work ethic and rules.
      • Negotiate for things we now know are important.
      • Educate partners as to how best to work with us(time sensitivity, attitude, work ethic, communication, pet peeves, etc).
      • AND Not bring in people or processes that will slow or hinder our relocation.

Personal assessment knowledge provides a new level of control. 

In Relocation, the last thing we need to is have anyone slow it down or throw in a monkey wrench.  The assessments help identify who and what will not work or serve the relocation.  Even when we must accept the only option, this information provides a reminder to communicate what is most important to a partner so that they can be successful.

For more information about all things relocation explore the ReloMoms Weekly Podcast available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, as well as the other blogs here on ReloMoms.

WE ARE REBRANDING!!  As of October 1st
ReloMoms becomes ReloWomen
Same great mission with more inclusion.  All of us women, whether accompanying or transferred employee, design, create and run our lives and those of our family. 

By including all ReloWomen…we all can Relocate Well!

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