What is Mindset

What is Mindset?

Learn what it is, how it affects life and when change happens

Mindset, it is one of those terms that has been thrown around a lot in the last year.  As our mental states are more and more on display, the talk around how to fix those that go negative becomes more prevalent.  And usually the term “they” use is mindset.

But what is mindset?

Mindset is the way we think about the world, our life, our mommas, our jobs and everything that happens around us.  It is what we use to understand the world around us and even ourselves. 

The reason mindset is such a hot topic right now is because it is the thing that drives how we make sense of, respond, and interact.

Our mindset ultimately drives the results we get at the end of the day.  Now that we are all talking about our challenging emotions in the open, mindset is on the table because that is the key.

What Mindset Is NOT…

Many people think mindset is about engaging our will power, enforcing the rules we set for ourselves and even practicing discipline without error.  Mindset is talked about in terms of to do lists and accountability.

However, mindset is not about to do lists and accountability.  It is not about actions that drive us to meet some result.  As a matter of fact, mindset is not about what we do or do not do, what we create or do not create.  Those things are merely a reflection of our mindset.

Mindset is about values, beliefs and and what we truly want and when we are out of alignment none of those to do lists happen.

Knowing our Current Mindset

One of the best things about mindset is that it can change.  There is a lot of talk these days about brain plasticity, how it can change even ingrained behaviors with direction.  Mindset is part of this.  

The best part of mindset is that changing it is fully within our control.

The first step though is to see where we are.  The easiest way to see the current mindset is to see what results we are getting, seeing the emotions we are having and even examine what we think on a regular basis.  You see our mindset determines all of these things.

Typically, we start in a single area of life say a single relationship or perhaps at our job performance.  When we take a look at these we may come across a feeling of disappointment.  Perhaps our spouse hasn’t washed the dishes for weeks on end.  They don’t discuss it with us.  It is almost like they forgot about the agreement.

Our mindset sets the stage for the play to move forward.  If we make this mean we are not valued.  We make this mean that our needs for help are not respected.  We feel like we don’t have a partner but a roommate and this one is all about taking.

If we go into the next discussion with this mindset, this belief, then what?  The next discussion will be less discussion and more confrontation.  If that is the case then what.  Does anyone feel heard?  Is the situation likely to change? 

I don’t think anyone would feel heard or good about anything that goes on in that case.  And if anything happens, both sides will most likely dig in their heals.  The same situation will perpetuate and now it will be layered up with feeling of disappointment, hurt and aggression anytime the subject is broached.

But what if…the mindset going in is different. 
The thing about mindset is that it can be chosen.

Changing Mindset

Most mindset is on autopilot, because it’s purpose is to help us make sense of the world and our place in it.  This means that it takes effort to see it and accept it (some are ugly), but once we do that is the place from which we can change it.

I know you may just want to jump to the new mindset, but when you do the brain will rebel against it.  It may be executed once or twice, but it will required a lot of effort and push if you will.  Lots of times we think that we will just force it until it happens, but there is a much easier way.

When we see our mindset for what it is we can create a path to the new mindset.  Walking the path is important because the brain typically requires a logical reason and path to the new way of thinking.  By doing it this way what happens is that the new mindset gets wired in.

At first it will be dim but with practice it gets stronger and becomes the first response…rather than the previous and destructive auto-response.

Back to our example. 

What if the new mindset  drove curiosity and connection. 

What if the desired result was to understand and create connection?

Then how would this be walked through?

  • We  might ask questions about understanding the original agreement. 
  • We might ask questions about what got in the way. 
  • Did something change for our spouse? 
  • Did they think it was only for one day or did they know it was going forward? 
  • Did they understand the why behind the request?

When we come to the discussion from this mindset, we are able to see more about situation, see their understanding, and perhaps their intentions.  By doing changing our mindset ahead of time, we can hold this conversation and talk about what we want changed without it being quite so charged emotionally. 

Holding onto a mindset that says they don’t want to support us
will only drive confrontation.
 

What if there were other ways to look at this?  A great first question could be something like “Do you see the dishes problem like I do?”

The funny thing about people is that many times, they do not see the problems we see…as problems.

When someone does not see this thing as a problem, they are less likely to help address it.  This is just the way humans are.  In calm productive conversation perhaps they have a solution that could work just as well.  We don’t know until we ask with openness and curiosity.

Work to be open and use those listening ears.  We don’t have to agree, but through openness and curiosity we are far more likely to resolve whatever the issue is.

EXPLORE MORE

Want to know more about how mindset impacts relocation?  This is what WholeLife Relocation Coaching is all about.  It makes all the difference in settling and building a community. 

CLICK the Let’s Chat Button at the top of the page.  Choose a day and time that works for you and we will talk about where you are and what you want your relocation life to be like as well as the bridge in between.

Have a wonderful week.

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